today was one of those days where everything that ive ever worried about consumed me all at once. its not like i didnt have these same issues yesterday and im sure to have them tomorrow. i guess it makes a difference when you have something to take your mind off of what stresses you. i finally got my hair done... something ive been wanting for months now. my hair hasnt gotten any TLC since the wedding. it was well deserved and i love the outcome. [its the little things].
im notorious for being a worry wart. its in my blood. im on anxiety meds but soon to be off of them. i dont like medicine. i dont even take advil. i like my insides to be pure. im hoping to ween myself off of my medicine and praying that all goes well. [its all in my head].
i know ive said it before but finances are a daily stress. we could be worse off and im thankful we arnt but i stress because we are not were i would like us to be. is anyone ever at that point?! i catch myself saying, "i want, i want, i want." and for the majority of my life.. i received. [only child syndrome] now as an adult, you have to work hard for what you want. nothing in life is free.. not even happiness. and if you beg to differ, ill call your bluff. sure if i never had anything i would never have the urge to want and my happiness would be free. we live in this world where people can have the best of the best. believe me, daydreaming is a lot better then reality but daydreaming wont get me anywhere.
today ive wanted to grab the nearest pillow and SCREAM at the top of my lungs! im overwhelmed with life. i want to believe that [god] has a wonderful purpose for my life. i just dont see it all yet... patience is my worst trait. i will be honest, i have none. i have been blessed with a great life and family thus far, i just think im in a rut these days. when i look at the big picture i can see that im being dramatic and things arnt as bad as i think they are. someone, somewhere has it way worse then me so i should be thankful and i am. i want a quick solution to my rut, but i dont know what that would be. i'd say shopping :) but that isnt in the "saving" agenda!
hopefully a good nights sleep with my husband [who i know will never leave my side thru "thick and thin"] right beside me will do the trick.. if not i see a large glass of wine in tomorrow nights future!!
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