a daily struggle

 

see that picture up there?! that is me to a T. anxiety is my biggest issue. i use to have a fear of flying [so much that i turned down a trip to Hawaii with my fellow cheerleaders because i didn't want to get on a plane]. that passed as i continued to fly and get use to the idea of it. thank goodness too, because how else would i get to Vegas all those millions of times?! [ I'm not a fan of  that longgg road trip]. 

so from what i remember as a kid, i was pretty worry-free. aren't we all?! as I've grown older, i tend to worry about EVERYTHING. no really, EVERYTHING. i cant help it. i use to take anxiety medicine, but when i became pregnant with dylan i couldn't so i realized my anxiety was just in my head and i could eventually talk myself out of an "attack." i was doing pretty good for over six years, when one morning i witnessed a traumatic accident involving my really good friend. you could never prepare yourself for what i saw, i have no choice but to deal with it. i didn't want to be on medication, but i was officially diagnosed with PTSS [post-traumatic stress syndrome] and let me tell you... meds WERE in order. i am feeling a lot better these days but i still have episodes where my brain seems to wander and i always think my body is doing something wrong, which then leads me to the conclusion that I'm probably dying. i cant even watch the Dr. Oz show, because he automatically makes me think i have that disease he is talking about. I'm crazy i know. google search is the enemy. sometimes too much information isn't the best thing for me. i know that some form of anxiety is healthy, but when it consumes me, i just cant function.

now working in the medical field, I'm around every germ invented. I've never thought twice about anything I've ever been exposed to. i think my immune system is PRETTY mighty and I'm a healthy person., but you can never be too careful. one day you may have no control over what happens to you or your body. i try to tell myself, what happens happens whether i worry about it or not. i know I'm eventually going to die [we all are], but looks like today wasn't that day... thumbs up to my guardian angel!!

p.s. they don't call me AG for nothin'

**anxious girl**